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Wanna Be Thinspo
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28th-Jan-2009 12:56 pm - two faced.
so first off, i think i need to say thanks to all of you!
this is the only place that i can opening talk about feelings and be myself.
its so easy to talk about this with people going through the same thing that don't judge.
no where else can you talk about an eating disorder and not get a funny look.
but does anyone ever really sit down and think about all this..and feel like a terrible person?
i try not to involve my family or my boyfriend as much as possible, but at the end of the day i still know that i'm losing control.
when 98 was a goal weight, now its not enough.
people around me can tell that i've got something going on, but how can you tell this to people that you love without hurting them?
how can you explain to someone that you are so scared and you don't want to die, but you refuse to stop?
how can you look your little sister in the eye (who naturally weighs 90 ibs) and tell her that seeing her everyday is your inspiration to starve?
i'm really trying to be healthy, and i try to eat in front of my family, but at the end of the say i still know that i'm not eating near enough to consider myself healthy..
is anyone else going through this too?
23rd-Nov-2008 08:57 pm - Stressed
well anyway the other day one of my hugest role models who by the way knows i am anorexic ohh thanks to my parents told me that he thought it was ok if i was anorexic. he said as long as i was happy he thought it might just be the better decision.. i have been in a pretty good position lately. training helps me get my mind off food a lot.. i hope that i can get down to a hundred pounds by the end of this winter.. i am playing volleyball a lot and i am so self concious i can't even wear spankys. my legs are disgusting i wish i could just be skinny. i hate my parents because they were the ones that gave me my genes and they are awful.
14th-Nov-2008 10:23 pm(no subject)
it's been a while...
almost a year and i havent ONCE reached my goal..

height: 5'4
Gw(by january) 100
2nd-Nov-2008 12:51 pm - teachers
 alright so for like the past few months i have gone back to not eating. and until a few days ago i was totally getting away with it. but not anymore.. since i went to rehab and stuff. all of my teachers and coaches have to know that i was anorexic. so i only gave the note to my assistant coach hoping that he would keep his mouth shut.. otherwise people would start to find out again.. but no he had to talk to my coach who is also my gym teacher. and now they are both trying to pull the whole you can trust us stuff. like do they seriously think i am retarded. i have already done this once,, anyway.. i just hope they don't go to the dean because then he would most likely tell my parents and ohh once again i would be in rehab.. i hate nosey people.. i made the dicision to be here i want to get skinny.. and i hate food.. i chose to do that.. not like i am stuck here.
29th-Oct-2008 08:27 pm - hard times
 alrighty so its volleyball season.. this is usually the time of year i get away with everything. but noo all of a sudden everyone is worried. i need to lose weight soo bad.. my mom wouldn't leave me until i ate my dinner tonight uhhh i was soo mad. i had managed not to eat a single thing for 2 days. my chiro and my coach are already asking me whats going on and offering to talk whenever... i don't want to talk i don't want anyone to be involved i just want to be tiny.. i don't care if i get weak.. actually i like the feeling better i need to be thin..:(::::
25th-Oct-2008 02:34 pm - The New Person

Name: Hayley
Age: 20
Height: 5'4 (approx)
Current weight: 160.2 lbs
Goal weight:100 lbs
I eat and I restrict when I eat.

I feel weak when I eat so I have low self esteem.

And then after restricting I binge and I hate it!

Hi Everyone,
I'm the new person.
I went into a personal recovery for everyone else but me last year and gained back all the weight i lost.
i used to weight 130 and have gone down to 120 but i couldn't stand the looks and how it was affecting those around me and i painfully put myself through a recovery scheme to get back to a "healthy" weight.
and now i can't look in the mirror so it's back to me restricting and so forth.
i can't wait to lose all the weight and be able to look at myself again.

hope everyone is having a good day


22nd-Oct-2008 07:31 pm(no subject)

Name: Alaska
Age: 18
Height: 5'7
Current weight: 160lbs
High weight:170lbs
Goal weight:130lbs
Diagnosed/Self-diagnosed: Self
Brief History: I dont eat, i dont like to eat, food doesnt taste good too me 'the yummy eating food please's me' nerves in my brain dont fire properly.
Pictures: coming soon
17th-Oct-2008 10:48 pm - Sports..
 so i just got home from a volleyball tournament.. which i love by the way.. i am so going pro one day lol not actually because im only 4 11 but w/e.. anyway point of this entry is i hate team meals. who the hell came up with them,,, yeah yeah i love the team bonding but what are you supposed to do when you are sitting across from your coach and he is asking why you arn't ordering anything??? honestly it was so awkward i didn't know what to do and i felt so pressured to eat... plus the rest of my team mates were all like haha you haven't eaten anything today arn't you hungry... ahhh i just hate them...
17th-Oct-2008 12:17 am - Tired
 alright. so i hardly ate all day, but i ate a few things after my volleyball game. i was so hungry and dizzy.. but i feel like a failure so i have to do better tomorrow.. hmm about a week ago i read a post about ana braclets??? where and how do you get them... I would love to wear one,, it would always remind me of what i am doing. and to watch myself... well if anyone knows please reply?!?!
6th-Oct-2008 05:30 am - NEW :] !
Name: Charissa
Age: 18
Height: 5'7
Current weight: 120 lbs.
High weight: 130 lbs.
Goal weight: 100 lbs.
Diagnosed/Self-diagnosed: Diagnosed.
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